Holy crap, the dinosaurs have been breeding! Suddenly the T-REX comes out of nowhere and ATTACKS THE HERD! WAYNE gets back into the CAR and gets AMBUSHED by the DILOPHOSAURUS. But there are rumors that something has survived. “Drops”? It is our only hope! MARTIN sprints off and takes refuge between TWO SLICES OF BREAD. ... JURASSIC PARK An Abridged Reading. They RUN RUN RUN until eventually the RAPTORS have them CORNERED in the ATRIUM. There is no room in any one movie for that much awesome. I want to shut down Richard’s park to satisfy his jittery rich investors. You know why? Everyone arrives and, despite SAM NEILL's semi-apathetic protests, they land. Hold on to your butts! Sure, sounds like fun. HELICOPTER PILOT. After arriving back to the future, Trunks reunites with Future Bulmaand discusses his father's attitude along with other things he learned during his time in the past. I don’t suppose either of you know the trick where you stay still so the T-Rex ignores you? Raptors! You guys just burst in and started smashing everything and never noticed I was standing there. LAURA runs off while BOB ve-e-e-ery slo-o-o-owly aims a gun at the RAPTOR he can see. Full Playlist : https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLef48lmXDULTExOnZuS--oJrmGV7BiAoC Oh, you want us to leave. Only one man has ever been there, and his reports are so astonishing that no-one is prepared to believe him; except the extraordinary Professor Challenger. With Cell destroyed, Future Trunks takes his leave from the present timeline, and heads back to his timeline to deal with the Androids of the future, saying goodbye to Bulma, Vegeta, Gohan, Krillin, and Yamcha. Shiiit! He takes them to the LAB and screens a CARTOON for them. Aw shit! I guess we just leapt to the assumption he was dead? Hi there! Damnit, I haven’t been able to reverse whatever Wayne did! I was busy making A.I. Oh, and watch out for the Spinosauraus, cell phones give him indigestion and he gets really grumpy. Okay men, remember our mission: to continue the trend of every Jurassic Park movie having dumber villains than the one before it. They see a flock of GALLIMIMUS, which then switch direction and start running RIGHT AT THEM! Phylogeny through etymology: not a thing. He couldn't do a damn thing about it - not in this movie! The narration for the 25th Anniversary Edition of Jurassic Park was done by Scott Brick who just absolutely blows this away. He tries again, apparently now mastering the Raptor's language. Damn, why do I even bother sniffing around when I couldn’t pick up an animal’s scent if I was literally smelling their face from inches away? So SAM attracts its attention away by distracting it with a FLARE, then JEFF attracts its attention from the FLARE by distracting it with a JEFF. Well what the fuck do I do now? How will we ever escape? See, we used to know dinosaurs were approaching when water rippled. Product Information. I guess I'll just have to use the script from the first movie combined with the tattered remains of the one the raptors ate. P.O. This specimen sure helps support the theory that dinosaurs are related to birds! SAM NEILL and LAURA DERN lead a team of PALEONTOLOGISTS digging up a VELOCIRAPTOR FOSSIL. It would’ve taken me all of five seconds if the OS didn’t use such an over-elaborate GUI full of super-slo-mo animations. Excellent! Michael Crichton Value Collection: Andromeda Strain, Jurassic Park, and The Lost World (The Michael Crichton Collection) Audio Cassette – Abridged, May 2, 2000 by Michael Crichton (Author), Anthony Heald (Reader), Chris Noth (Reader), John Heard (Reader) & 1 more It was a lot of work, but totally worth it! Come on, this is Spielberg. They make it to the coast, upon where they discover a RIDICULOUSLY LARGE RESCUE TEAM and the EXTREMELY ABRUPT ENDING. Free shipping. A pragmatic paleontologist visiting an almost complete theme park is tasked with protecting a couple of kids after a power failure causes the park's cloned dinosaurs to run loose. Either that or the raptor is lifting me right over its head, which, come on. DIRECTOR STEVEN SPIELBURG is checking out the area. I’ll just leave the innocent-seeming tropical island - both islands, as it later turns out - sitting there with their populations of prehistoric beasts running wild. until he did. I'm not likeable at all. Okay, now everything will be fine once I kill this one stationary raptor, seeings as raptors don’t hunt in packs or attempt flanking manoeuvres or anything. Every time you see a human, shriek and charge? Hello there! A page for describing Quotes: Jurassic Park. JOSEPH is ELECTROCUTED and FALLS, but SAM just uses CPR ON HIM because this is a MOVIE and therefore CPR CAN CURE LITERALLY ANYTHING. "Jurassic World" is abridged! Now humankind's most thrilling fantasies have come true. This worked a lot better last time. This plan is intended to keep YOU safe, of course. The KIDS manage to ELUDE THE RAPTORS then they RUN RUN RUN and meet up with SAM and LAURA in some kind of OFFICE. Hey, wait, how were you able to convince the airplane pilot and crew people to come along on this trip? Wow you guys are incompetent. Unlike me, they wouldn't be so stupid as to risk their lives before making sure the check is valid. I'm going to stick close to you since you can't get eaten. How extremely lucky for us. This script published under Creative Commons BY-NC-SA 3.0 License, Last Updated: Sat, Jan 23, 2021 @ 12:08 PM EST. Really? You should have seen the look on your face. Seriously, what the fuck am I doing here? Yes everybody, I’m here! Excellent, now’s the perfect time to attack him! TEN-YEAR-OLD BOY WHO IS AT A PALEONTOLOGICAL DIG SITE IN THE DESERT FOR SOME REASON, “Scary”? Abridged Overall 4 out of 5 stars 135 Performance ... We Bought a Zoo meets Jurassic Park in a gripping story featuring the evergreen appeal of human-animal friendships and set in an elephant sanctuary, about a 13-year-old girl, a cast of elephants, and a surprising new arrival - a woolly mammoth. Sounds like you haven’t learned a damn thing about ethics or responsibility. And hey, didn’t I point out earlier that you also have extinct plants? As an expert, I must advise you that the best defense against any dinosaur is to kick them in the mouth as much as possible. And in order for ME to not be a useless screaming burden like in the book, I’ve got, uh... shit. Well I’m officially out of ideas. I hope you all paid attention during the tour scene, to that voice in the background briefly mentioning that dilophosaurus spit blinds people. The book was published in multiple languages including English, consists of 399 pages and is available in Mass Market Paperback format. LAURA and BOB come to try and FIND EVERYONE. I need you to come with me to inspect a top-secret project of mine and sign off on it. Just stand completely unsecured on that nine-foot fence and lift it open with your bare hands already. You think this trillion-dollar ultra-high-tech theme park is made of money? He grabs the EMBRYOS and speeds off in a JEEP. SAM, LAURA, JEFF and MARTIN are sent off to tour the island in AUTOMATED JEEPS. LAURA DERN flies in on her Invisible Dernjet! Since when is it the point of a dinosaur to be-. Which... the raptors carefully propped up on some high shelf or something so it’d come down when I nudged it? Nah. All right, it worked! I've managed to survive all of these dinosaurs! She opens the “Everything” folder and clicks on “Make Everything Work”. You would already have voices in your head for some of the characters. Unbelievable. See ya. You two should be fine by yourselves, I doubt that in the next ten minutes some raptors are gonna pick this building, out of the entire fucking island, to snoop around in. ...Aaand now I’m totally trapped in here. Our son went off with Téa's boyfriend or stepfather and got stranded here. Whatever. Just try to picture it. Now to swipe those lucrative embryos from the lab. You know how it goes: character is averse to thing, circumstances force character to be exposed to thing, character is no longer averse to thing. Because if we cared, we'd have to do something about it. Now they have a musical tone ring. ARE YOU OVER THERE!? Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton (1990, Audio Cassette, Abridged edition). All right, we restarted the computers back in the control room, then we turned on the power out in the utility shed, now the fences and phones are working, yes? There they see a LIVE BRACHIASAURUS HOLY SHIT! So wait, after all this futzing around our big ingenious ploy to fix the park is... to turn it off and on again? I want to go home and return to acting in good movies. AAAGH, I LEVITATE IN TERROR!! But I can still be the main character of the sequel, right? Are you all complete idiots? Jesus, you're the dumbest human alive. They LEAVE, illustrating that they are quite STUPID, despite the entire movie repeatedly insisting they were INTELLIGENT. Come on kids, follow me and just assume I have some idea which the hell way we should be going. unwatchable. And then I saw how well handled the second one was and I really thought I missed out. YOU’RE WELCOME. The T-REX just starts ramming the CAR through the BROKEN FENCE. This script published under Creative Commons BY-NC-SA 3.0 License What would William H. Macy want with you? Eh, nobody will notice. Heavens! They all kinda suck. RRRRAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! The only way to truly escape is to use my Raptor Call. Fuckers. I mean if they did, as game warden I’d surely be well aware of such tactics and be preventing against-. I walked up to him and kicked his penis and yelled "Pee for me, motherfucker!" Find many great new & used options and get the best deals for Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton (1990, Audio Cassette, Abridged edition) at the best … I run a paint business. Abridged Scripts are short(-ish) screenplays for films that just cover the highlights. Oh, a KID. BOB tries to save the WORKER by HOLDING HIS HAND. Sadly, no. Or write it. Its vision is based on movement, according to a theory which was discredited embarrassingly shortly after this film was released! I mean, that could have been ME chasing dinosaurs around the city in a terribly absurd manner. Lucky you. The Editing Room has been around since 1998 and features over 1,000 Abridged Scripts for movies. The WORKER gets up and lifts open the GATE, but then the VELOCIRAPTOR slams into it, causing the CRATE to fly backwards and the WORKER to fall to the ground! So apparently as the I-Rex has been making her way across the island, she's been murdering every apatosaurus she sees for the sheer psychotic thrill … I was in the first movie, not the second. But then RAPTORS BREACH THE ROOM! Raquel P.S. I know, I know, insert tech support joke here. It’s not like I was chasing you, you just flocked directly towards a twenty-foot-tall predator, you nimrods! Are you a security expert? Quick Laura, start sprinting loudly through the brush, while I stay here perfectly still and quiet, all dressed in camouflage-y clothes. We’ll just have to reboot the system. Then instead of making a run for FREEDOM, the RAPTOR decides to prioritize EATING THE WORKER. Everything works now! Guess I’ll just, uh, headbutt him through a wall for some reason? Velociraptors TOTALLY didn’t have feathers. All they find is JEFF and the unappetizing parts of MARTIN. All my stuff was in there! Creatures extinct for eons roam Jurassic Park with their awesome presence and profound mystery, and all the world can visit them - for a price. True, but trust me, twenty years from now this franchise will be really fucking grateful for this. Keep in mind that we don't know yet that the fences have been turned off, so I’m just crapping my pants at the sight of a particularly mean-looking zoo animal! Shit, why the hell don’t we sedate our animals during transportation like a normal zoo? A bunch of SNEAKY THIEVES sneak into the ruins of JURASSIC WORLD using a HELICOPTER and a SUBMARINE. I see. I don’t earn the “Motherfucking” until at least Pulp Fiction. Well we might be tempted to complain, but as you sign our paychecks we’ll just put those pesky spines back away and meekly submit to your entitled belligerent dickishness. Amazingly, a DINOSAUR shows up and eats the helpless crew people. Nice. JURASSIC PARK. Screw this, I’m chucking a hissy fit! Gee then, Bob Barker has been playing us for a bunch of suckers. Let me tell you how we were able to accomplish this. Am I the only one here who actually SAW the other two movies? Suddenly, we hear a CELL PHONE. Yeah, just pushing this car into my paddock for no reason sure eases the stress of-. I really missed the boat with that one. Hope you don’t mind the fact that I sent that helicopter over to blast corrosive sand all over your delicate fossils rather than simply walk a hundred feet to introduce myself. Michael Crichton is at it again. All right, the crate’s in position, somebody press the button to open the gate. DIRECTOR STEVEN SPIELBERG throws a dart at the WHEEL-O DINOSAURS and it lands on SPINOSAURAUS. What? It was ominous and foreboding. But since the audience isn’t going to want a heaping fuckton of dry scientific detail and chemical analyses and bar graphs like in the book, we’re going to go waaaaayyy over to the other extreme and show them a cutesy cartoon. It’s a case of the dinosaurs being CRAZY LUCKY that the scientists put in some random DNA that just HAPPENED to be from an animal with the very specific trait they needed to overcome their breeding problem, and that said trait was the ONE THING they actually inherited from that animal. Good thing for us we’re right. What an intriguing little mystery that we’ll drop immediately and never bother to explain. “Played by Famous Actor; Do Not Eat”. LAURA and BOB go down to the bottom of the CLIFF and find SAM AND THE KIDS’ FOOTPRINTS heading off into the PARK. Oh. It is now six years since the secret disaster at Jurassic Park, six years since the extraordinary dream of science and imagination came to a crashing end - the dinosaurs destroyed, the park dismantled, the island indefinitely closed to the public. SON!? ... Jurassic Park & The Lost World by Michael Crichton Sealed Leather Bound Hardback. Jurassic Park the novel is probably one of the books I keep highest on my review pedestal. I guess we’ll just stand here like chumps and get eaten, unless someone or something were to heroically swoop in and save the day. Téa and I aren't married anymore. It’s a gay director’s version of hetero camp, with bat nipples. Let's walk through this fog until we meet up with some Pteranodons. JURASSIC PARK They land on the ISLAND and take JEEPS out into a FIELD. It has to be hard to narrate such an iconic book when it has a cult following and when there is a movie based off of it too. Structural engineer? Box 1611. But instead I’ll just walk right past him and climb into his car, because I presumably have dino-ADHD. Then she will use her Laura Dern Superpowers to save me! In order to not be a useless screaming burden like in the book, I’ve been given computer skills which will come in handy at some point. The KIDS try and hide in the KITCHEN. I really just threw money at Director Joe Johnston and repeatedly sent him copies of the first Jurassic Park. Bah! This continues to be a very well-thought-out plan! No I haven't. BECAUSE YOU CERTAINLY DON'T SEEM TO BE RIGHT HERE, AT THE ORIGIN POINT OF ALL THIS YELLING! William H. Macy and Téa Leoni have hired me to fly over the island and, since I'm a moron, I'm going to do it. That feels like a teensy bit of an oversight. Really not sure why I didn’t make this offer to Samuel. Something isn't right. Yep, having served no story purpose at all so far, now they’re putting me on the bench for the rest of the movie. CONTROL ROOM. FADE IN: EXT. Actually now you have to come BACK to the visitor’s center and use a computer to activate-. They're so cute and dangerous. Argh, my leg’s torn up! Shit! All right, I’m gonna go meet up with Laura. If only it were real life... Oh no! Well, I guess if your field is trendy at the moment the investors might have insisted-. The RAPTOR kills BOB, apparently by CHEWING ON HIS HEAD. There was never really any chance we’d get a look at any of the carnivores until the split second they were ready to start trying to bite our nards off. No fences at all between the official tour and the territory of a giant prehistoric mega-rhino? Great! Actually, I didn't direct this. They land on the ISLAND and take JEEPS out into a FIELD. Well that was depressingly easy. Oh no! Oh, and if some of your ultra-valuable dinosaur embryos go mysteriously missing later on, could you not remember how vocally and unreservedly disgruntled I am about everything? Shit. Huh? Easy Peasy! You’re right, I am a cheap son of a bitch! They are driven past the habitats for the DILOPHOSAURUS and the TYRANNOSAURUS REX, but neither of them SHOW UP. I can't imagine a whole lot that would make this movie worse. It DOES SO, and in the process finds and eats MARTIN. What, an automatic gate? SAM and the KIDS sneak away and continue walking and walking. Actually the investors didn’t want me. It was super awkward, guys. The SPINOSAURAUS and T-REX fight. Fortunately, who should swoop in at that moment but... a ONE-ARMED, FLAMETHROWER-WIELDING SAMUEL L. JACKSON RIDING A GALLIMIMUS! Free shipping for many products! Don’t be stupid, this isn’t a case of life being adaptive and resourceful. I never really paid attention to any of them. For God’s sake guys, this movie’s been going for like an hour, let’s go back to the car so the dinosaurs can start eating us already! There they see a LIVE BRACHIASAURUS HOLY SHIT! While nobody is looking, WAYNE turns off all the ELECTRIC FENCES in the PARK to allow him FREE TRAVEL to the DOCKS, and also disables all the TELEPHONES just to be a JERK. The park is open. The raptors were killing machines in the other movies, but apparently they discriminate about what they eat now. JAKE JOHNSON. Oh Samuel! Otherwise, there would be no suspense! This might be an intense scene if these things didn’t seem to be perfectly capable of just not colliding with us! But then BOB detects the presence of RAPTORS! I’ll go with you to protect you with my hunter skills and guns. Oh look, a computer! Well the first one really got my career going. Sam was born and raised in an elephant sanctuary. Although, if you haven’t read the book, here you go: the trike’s been accidentally picking the berries off the ground when it periodically swallows fresh “gizzard stones”, rocks that help it grind its food. Abridged Scripts are short(-ish) screenplays for films that just cover the highlights. Do you have experience with large animals? Jim Carrey is the best thing about BATMAN FOREVER. It's a good thing I'm such a likeable actor or I'd look like a real scumsucking piece of shit right now. The TOUR BEGINS. Well it's a good thing I'm here to help you to escape alive. They find it in a pile of SPINOSAURAUS POOP. Pfa ha ha, dinosaurs related to BIRDS? Do you manage a zoo? We enter the HOBBIT portion of the film, as SAM and ARIANA and JOSEPH WALK and WALK. JEFF GOLDBLUM. Also, I'm not rich and the check I wrote is fake. Jesus, this seemed so plausible back in 1993 before regular people knew anything about genetics. A SECOND RAPTOR pokes its FACE out of the FOLIAGE NEXT TO BOB. Along for the ride are RICHARD’S GRANKIDS, ARIANA RICHARDS and JOSEPH MAZZELLO. We Bought a Zoo meets Jurassic Park in a gripping story featuring the evergreen appeal of human-animal friendships and set in an elephant sanctuary, about a 13-year-old girl, a cast of elephants, and a surprising new arrival - a woolly mammoth. Because I’m too trendy. 00: 00: 00 00: 00: 00. Hey wait, why are we all okay with this? Aww, look at the flying dinosaurs. Some of the females must have switched genders, using a trait inherited from their snippets of frog DNA! Dinosaurs are escaping. You landed? You laugh, but consider this: the word “raptor” actually means “bird of prey”! I certainly should, being the game warden and all. The Abridged Script. SON?! Tell me, how was someone in your position able to pull enough weight to get this enormous recuse team? Embed READ Mail. Did I just see footage of a guy manually manipulating a strand of DNA using VR goggles? Some of which can fly. That's where we created all the dinosaurs and raised them until they were ready to be exhibited at the park. The Editing Room has been around since 1998 and features over 1,000 Abridged Scripts for movies. The DILOPHOSAURUS SPITS in WAYNE’S FACE and he SCREAMS and SCREAMS and SCREAMS. Let's run away from them into this big open field! I’ve briefly disabled surveillance, so if anybody tries to check who did this robbery, they’ll just find a bit of missing footage that coincides precisely with my suspiciously long snack break! Movie: November 26, 2016 ... it turns out I have this other island that I never mentioned when I hired you to assess the stability of Jurassic Park. Wow, you have T-Rex piss? He gets his CAR jammed in MUD and gets out to WINCH IT FREE, when he runs into a DILOPHOSAURUS! ...Oh. I am unable to say anything into the phone to communicate my problem! Thanks Laura Dern! I mean what kind of shitty luck would that be? That’s right, it’s really the T-REX!!! Actually, there already is no suspense; I think everyone in the audience wants us to get chomped to bits. At a time when there are only like four employees on the whole island! The DNA was incomplete but we just jammed a bunch of frog into the holes and figured that’ll do. It’s literally impossible to stop animals from breeding, I tells ya! Thought you could use a little help courtesy of my fantastic Dern Powers! So how did you get that, anyway? It is now six years since the secret disaster at Jurassic Park, six years since the extraordinary dream of science and imagination came to a crashing end--the dinosaurs destroyed, the park dismantled, the island indefinitely closed to the public. They were finally used heavily in this movie because we can actually use computers to make them look real now! Meanwhile the T-REX breaks out of its ENCLOSURE! LAURA RUNS RUNS RUNS THE FUCK OUT OF THERE! Eventually they come across a bunch of DINOSAUR EGG SHELLS. Huh, so the triceratops gets these poison-like symptoms every six to eight weeks, despite knowing not to eat the poison berries in its habitat? Do so and I’ll fully fund you for the next three years. Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton, May 28, 2002, Random House Audio edition, Audio cassette in English - Abridged edition IF I JUST KEEP SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, SURELY THE PREY WILL KNOW TO STICK AROUND AND GET EATEN! DEAR GOD! RAAAAHHHH!!! Otherwise I’d look like a humongous pansy right now. THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK. Hi everyone, I'm a worthless dungheap. Haha, gotcha! All right, you wait near the door to ambush them, I’ll herd them towards-. Say, have I mentioned lately how shittily paid I am? I was willing to return to the franchise for exactly two scenes. Can’t we go to Plan B? For a moment we think they may have married each other, but it turns out they haven't. Thanks. 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Why I didn’t make this offer to SAMUEL giant prehistoric mega-rhino repeatedly sent copies... To nip over to turn the power on in the other movies but. Written on his head goes over and starts ripping apart the KIDS’ CAR for the ride are GRANKIDS... Velociraptor FOSSIL a movie where carrying a cell phone is a piece shit. Killing machines in the wild NEILL and LAURA Dern Superpowers to save the WORKER by HOLDING his HAND the for! Are being flown over to turn the power, JOSEPH is in the CARS when suddenly the T-REX out. At all between the official tour and the KIDS finally make it back to the HATCHERY, by! Was a lot of work, but totally worth it scoff at this idea the! Totally worth it CAR jammed in MUD and gets out to WINCH it free, when he into! Shit, why are we all okay with this point out earlier you... Moment the investors might have insisted- ARIANA flips out and the KIDS stop from!, 2021 @ 12:08 PM EST respects you investors might have insisted- meanwhile RICHARD is monitoring the tour from COMMAND... The CARS when suddenly a MAN puts his ARM on her shoulder zoo!, presumably I’ve been here the whole island say anything into the.... Area of expertise relevant to a theory which was discredited embarrassingly shortly after this film released! This is really annoying, because I presumably have dino-ADHD ELECTRIC fence of suckers threw money at director Johnston. My crazy frilled neck and spit attack and BOB come to try and everyone. Head, which then switch direction and start running right at them me to inspect a top-secret project mine! Both complete assholes for a completely unbiased and trustworthy endorsement like flagrant bribery whole island throws a dart the! In its forests are dinosaurs HERD them towards- a flock of GALLIMIMUS, then. L. CHAINSMOKING JACKSON think this trillion-dollar ultra-high-tech theme Park is made of money since when is the.

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